


Neverland

by 3rachaismylifue



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Because they are cute, But like stan banghan, Fluff and Angst, I Blame Tumblr, I Tried, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I can't do fully angst, I hope you enjoy whatever this is, I'm too focused on Chan I forgot the rest, Jeongin is now here, M/M, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-11-15 04:25:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18066551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3rachaismylifue/pseuds/3rachaismylifue
Summary: Based on EXO's Peter Pan because of Jisung's english name.





	Neverland

I brush off the dust on the old diary The inside that suddenly opened up, brightly  
You are there still Like before, you are remained  
I recall the pictures that I lived forgetting The little tremblings splurge in my body  
It’s a bit of a sad thing that we can’t go back to that time

 

It was the weekend and Chan had nothing to do. No songs to compose, no ungodly amount of homework, no random escapades with his friend, nothing. So he decided to finish his long overdue house works. Living in the dorm could be lonely at times, especially when you didn't have an assigned roommate but it was something Chan was thankful for. It meant that no one would be nagging him about his sleeping schedule or lack thereof, and no one complaining about how he'd throw his dirty laundry in a pile and wait for one of these types of days to come by. 

First Chan decided to clean the kitchen, which is actually a corner in his dorm with a small refrigerator and a coffee machine. It wasn't much but it's enough since Chan mostly spends his time in the studio. He couldn't bring himself to at least pretend to be surprised with the state of his refrigerator. It was almost empty, save for the row of energy drinks that is too many to be considered healthy. A feeling of guilt filled him as he remembers his promise to his mom. Letting out a soft sigh, he promised himself to at least try to eat healthy, for his mom.

After that was laundry, which he later decides to do last since he'd have to wait in the washing room and he wanted to be as efficient as possible. That's how Chan found himself sitting on his newly made bed, hands holding a worn out book that he knows so well. It was a bit dusty, considering that it sat at the utmost shelve in his room, and as he opens the book, he saw him. Han Jisung.

He was as beautiful as Chan had remembered. Those beautiful eyes that hold the galaxy, the smile that somehow always able to light out Chan's world and those cheeks. Those round, squishy cheeks that Chan especially loved and never skipped a chance to kiss, given the chance. Everything about the boy was beautiful and the sight of that ethereal boy ignites something inside of Chan. Something that he wanted to forget once he stepped into college. His heart wrench at the thought of the moments when Han Jisung was in his sight when Han Jisung was his world. 

 

 

  
I’m going to look for you Tinker bell that the memories sent Neverland that followed through  
At that place While looking at each other, we were smiling  
Forever your peter pan. Your man that stopped the that time  
Although I’m lacking, I’m running to my you that I loved so much

 

 

  
After debating with himself, Chan took his favorite hoodie, the one that Jisung had given to him during their first anniversary, he made his way to a place he knows by heart. A place that holds a thousand memory of what he used to have, what he used to feel and the person he used to be. A place that he hadn't visited for two years because he knew that it would hurt the younger twice as much as it hurt him.

Jisung had always been the more sensitive one in their relationship, Chan recalls as he took a step into Black Pearl Cafe, hands gripping on the diary as if protecting it from all the evil of the world. At the counter stood Seungmin, one of Chan's mutual friend. To be fair, Chan knew him through Jisung, so they had been friends by default. Chan could see that the younger was clearly surprised and to be honest, he expected the reaction. After two years of avoiding any contact with anyone who is as close as an acquaintance to Jisung, there was no way that the younger's group of friend would be welcoming him. He half-expect Seungmin to snap at him or something but the boy only gave him a curt nod and proceed to ask his order.

It felt weird acting hostile with Seungmin knowing how sarcastic the boy was with his friend group, but Chan was glad that at least Seungmin acknowledge his presence. After the weird interaction with Seungmin, Chan managed to snatch a seat at the table that used to be dubbed as their table. Smiling a little as he saw the old scratches that Jisung had made to indicate that the table was solely theirs, Chan felt a wave of relief wash over him. At least, this piece of memory is still intact. He wouldn't have known what he'd do if the cafe had changed their furniture or worse, the interior design. 

His mind wanders back to the day where they finally managed to straighten their feeling for each other. It was during recess and Changbin, one of Chan's friend was eating with the couple who have yet become official. Chan knew that the feelings were mutual but he hadn't known how to deal with the situation. Sometime during their talk, Changbin had asked Chan, " Hey, are you free on Friday night?" to which Chan had replied with a confused yes. Then Changbin directed the same question to the youngest, getting another yes as a reply. Suddenly, Changbin clapped his hand and said, "Great! Because I'm not. You two should go to the movies without me. Enjoy your date." Soon after, Changbin left the table. 

Because of Changbin's unnecessary -according to Jisung, Chan had treated Changbin a munchlax plushie as a companion for Gyu to return the favor- interference both of them went to watch the latest horror film that the younger wanted to watch. It was amusing to watch the younger squirm in his seat every time something scary happened but the younger still kept his eyes on the screen. Somewhere in the middle of the movie, Chan had moved closer to Jisung and wrapped an arm around him. They spent the rest of the movie cuddling. Although it was a bit uncomfortable, yet they managed. 

After the movie, they had spent the rest of the night talking in this very cafe. Now staring at the empty seat in front of him, Chan couldn't shake the feeling of longing for the younger. He felt a presence on his side which took him out of his memory lane. He looked at the waiter and softly smiled when he saw Felix. Felix had always felt like a little brother to him. As Felix put down a cup of hot chocolate, Chan looked at him in confusion. "I didn't order a hot chocolate," Chan said, which Felix replied with a cryptic I know and the younger quickly excused himself before Chan could question any further. 

"What even?" Chan mumbled to himself. After taking a long sip of the hot chocolate, he finally opened back his diary and continue to reminisce their memory. 

 

 

The mischievous rascal that bothered you a lot The defeated memories are vivid  
Starting from that time I gained your heart and even a kiss  
My heart was always flying while riding a cloud  
You were prettier than Wendy, Cinderella  
Because I feel you, the one person that makes my heart beat My two eyes shine

 

As he dives further in memory lane, he came to reminisce a memory that he was especially fond of. Jisung had always been a cute child, with round cheeks that people couldn't help but want to pinch and squish but there was one brat that could make Jisung more riled up about his cheeks among many other, Lee Minho. Minho frequently teased the younger that most of the time, the Jisung had learned to ignore his teasing. But some days when Jisung was feeling especially sensitive, they'd both sit on Jisung's bed in his room as Chan comforted the younger. 

After they had gotten together, the teasing became less frequent but there was something else that had bothered his lover. Jisung had become more and more insecure with himself. In which later, Chan had learned because some dumb bitch from his class questions why Jisung was friends with Hyunjin and Jeongin when the two was clearly more good looking than him. When he had figured out why his love was refraining himself from eating lunch, he had proceeded on making a 20 slide presentation about how much Jisung and his cheeks meant to him. By the end of that day, Chan had come home with bruised lips and heart a garden full of blooming flowers.

Chan could feel his eyes watering as he remembers that particular memory. If he wasn't mistaken, he still had that slide hidden somewhere deep in his phone. After 15 minutes of scrolling through his school project, Chan managed to find the file which he had labeled under 'baby squirrel'. After taking another sip of the hot chocolate, he opened the slide and just stared at the photo of the person he used to call his world. Chan could still hear his sweet giggle from the back of his head and a sad smile made way to his lips. The two years he spent focusing on his school work and term papers, he realized was a coping mechanism to stop himself from thinking about his ex-lover. Now with time in hand, his thought only gravitates back to someone who used to be his orbit.

 

  
  
The face that shows the pinkish color The feeling of walking on the clouds (Although we were together)  
Baby boo! The picture like You that my heart beated to! (Although I wanted to hold on)  
That time like when your eyes that gently smiled (Although I put out my hand Oh!)  
If you were to fly to me right now through the open window in the part of my heart (You get farther Away)  
  
You that I bottled in my fairy tale, as always, lingering around sweety girl (Don’t leave)  
I’m still trembling the part of my heart that you’re not in this place is a lonely island (The me from that time)  
You that is written in my memories pretty girl that won’t get erased! (is here right now Oh!)  
My heart is still beating the one part of my heart that you’re not in (Where could you be)

 

Chan never thought of himself as someone who's overly emotional and always prided for being someone who has the most self control in his friend group but as his grip tightens his hold of the diary, he couldn't help but miss the feeling of having Jisung by his side. The feeling of his small body curled inside of his, Jisung had always been the little spoon, considering his small frame and Chan was more than happy to provide him all the hugs he could give. 

All those small kisses they have, whether it was in public or at home, they had always been affectionate. It was something they both enjoyed and together they were attached to the hip. Somedays, when Jisung felt clingy, Chan would give him a piggyback ride to the park where they'd sit at the swings and stargaze until the younger felt sleepy. Then Chan would carry his back to his room, tuck him in bed and give him a good night kiss before heading back home. Some nights he'd spend the night there. 

During those nights, Chan would cuddle with Jisung, basking in the warmth the younger exudes. Chan would never admit it but the younger helped slightly cure his insomnia as he sleeps better with Jisung by his side. The morning after is always Chan's favorite because Chan's natural body alarm wakes him up at six every morning but Jisung would at least sleep until seven before his alarm goes on at quarter after seven. 

No, Chan does not watch the younger sleep for almost an hour, he spends fifteen minutes to do that while the other forty-five minutes is just him snuggling with a very comfy boyfriend (as he tries his best not to stare like a creep). Somedays Chan would fall back asleep with Jisung in his arms.

Now, Chan hadn't spent much time sleeping. The last proper nap he managed to take was three hours top. That honestly wasn't much but between his pile of homework and insomnia, it was the best he could get so every second of it was worth it, even when Chan had to rely on an energy drink to survive. Letting out a sigh, he stared at the hot chocolate and remembered another memory of the squirrel-like boy.

It was winter and they were sitting on the couch at the Bang's (they took turns to be fair but mostly they'd hang out at Jisung's because Chan would've forced him to stay the night) and Jisung had offered to make hot chocolate. Chan set up the movie as he waited for his lover. When Jisung had safely put the mugs on the table, Chan had pulled him into a hug. Mischievously, Chan had said "My lips are cold." while pouting. Jisung giggled before replying "You want me to make it warm?" which made Chan nod in agreement. Slowly, Jisung faced Chan and said "Here." as he proceeds to give Chan his mug of hot chocolate. After Chan took a sip, Jisung asked him, "Now are your lips warm enough?" and let out a full-blown laugh at Chan's overly exaggerated betrayed expression. 

Never had Chan ever thought that those moments wouldn't last but there he was, sitting at one of their most memorable spots, hands holding a book equivalent to a time capsule which seems to mock him more and more as the memories both warms him and breaking him apart.

 

  
Our relationship that shows of a watch spring How much would it have changed  
Although I turned one page that I lastly wrote about you in, no longer  
Do I have the strength to read on I’m going to erase the sad writings  
It’s not going to be the end of our story  
Because I’m going to meet you again  
  


 

 Suddenly, Felix was back with another mug of hot chocolate. Before Chan could refute, the younger had walked through the staff door and made his way to the staff room. Albeit a bit confused, Chan took it as a long time no see gift and brush it aside. He knew that he was nearing the end of their relationship when doubts were starting to fill his mind and the pressure of graduating was high. Holding onto the younger didn't seem like an option so he made up his mind and did what he did best, he ran away. He broke off with the younger even though it hurts, even when he himself knew that he couldn't endure it but the pressure at the time had suffocated him so he let go of one thing he could control; his relationship.

He was a wreck and he knows it. He was merely a robot in college with many acquaintances who seem to be friendly for something that would, in the end, benefit both of them and the only true friend he had were the ones who graduated together with him, Woojin and Changbin. Minho had flown to L.A for a dance academy and while they were still friends, there was an awkward air between them that neither of them bothered enough to change or work it out. But looking back, maybe he had missed something important, something that he was supposed to know but no one had told him. 

Before he could finish off the last page, Chan shut the book and tried to calm himself. When he took a sip of the newly made hot chocolate, a familiar warmth wash over him and Chan instantly knew what the warmth was. Han Jisung. In an instance, Chan whipped his head towards the staff room and watched in wonder as a familiar pair of eyes were seemingly trying to discreetly watch him. Maybe this is a sign. Maybe the last page wasn't meant to be read because it wasn't the last page he'd write. Maybe he has a chance to make everything better again. Slowly, he stood from the table and made way to the counter, hoping that the person who holds his galaxy would come out. To his luck, Jisung walks out of his hiding spot and acted as if he wasn't watching Chan from afar. Chan had to stop himself from chuckling at the younger's antics, knowing that the younger would be easily pissed off, but once he was standing in front of the younger, he couldn't help but feel like somehow the world is right once again. Like everything was where it was supposed to be.

Smiling softly, Chan let out a soft "Hi." which Jisung replies with a soft "Hello." and once again Chan gravitates in an orbit called Han Jisung and this time, he'd hold him close and never let go.

 


End file.
